Der Neunte

6 days ago

1 note(s)

Deactivated my 6-year old deviantArt account. I regret nothing. Just getting rid of the immaturity and the recklessness of my “artsy fartsy” past.

____

I was just on a personal quest to find a set of new grunge and calligraphic brushes for my recently dug-up Photoshop CS3 and there’s no better place to find all of those materials (+ awesome stock photos and renders) than deviantArt. I thought to myself, “What if I check my account just for fun? I might see lots of embarrassing but entertaining bits from my past!”. Oh lord, I was very wrong.

Embarrassing, yes, but really far away from entertaining. I was a disgrace. I know art, whether from the past or present, is for art’s sake (unless stated otherwise) but I could clearly see how pathetic I was, back then. I made most of my work to impress other people. I know how people are open to criticism in dA but my works back then were just asking for it. It’s so hilarious, it’s not even funny.

My most recent submissions (posted around 2009) were bearable because they were pretty recent, but damn, the 2006 me was the most trying-hard me I have ever known. I’m sure as hell I’ve grown, but I’m not really sure if I really had changed for the better.

~talizman does not exist anymore. It is now nothing but a figment of your imagination… or your dreadful memories.

Everything that happened in my past does not exist anymore. Time is fleeting as I type this and everything that had happened is a memory.

RIP ~talizman 2006-2012 (literally rotting away since 2009): You just had to be deactivated. Thanks for telling me that I have become a better person since 2006.

2 weeks ago

Life in a Nutshell

Life is a concept. It is an opportunity that lasts while we are alive. An opportunity to become who we think we are. An opportunity to change our past. An opportunity to make our dreams a reality. Life is really what me make of it. We redefine ourselves constantly, nobody can really tell who we are at the moment or what are we going to be. Are we going to be the same miserable kids of today or are we going to be the most successful people of the century?

Labels are indefinite when we are alive. It is only when we are dead that we stop redefining ourselves. It is in death that we are defined. It is only in death when we can call ourselves complete. Defined.

Life is meant to be a struggle. Bastardization aside, you only live once.

Take this opportunity to redefine yourself. You have the choice to make it happen. This is why we exist.

2 weeks ago

1 note(s)

consolation

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.

Henry David Thoreau

2 weeks ago

Synapse to synapse

Angst is not the same as fear. Fear is directed towards some object - if we are frightened, we are frightened of something, some person, object or event that we want to avoid. Angst is different, in that it is a general sense of being anxious, of feeling not-at-home in the world , of things generally not being right.

___

Every time I am described in some way (as being a certain person of some sort, or having some role), what is being described is already in the past! If you want to shoot a bird in flight, you need to aim ahead of the bird rather than at it. So I cannot be described as I am in the present, for I am, and all of us, are constantly a moving target.

___

Human consciousness asks of life, ‘Is this it?’

Yes and no.

You can always always transcend yourself, but you must also take full responsibility of everything you choose.

____

You are what you make yourself, and the conscious you is the gap between the self that is now and the self that you long to be.

2 weeks ago

My POV, somehow.

I still love my Christian friends, no matter what.

2 weeks ago

3 note(s)

To My Future Life Companion (Who I Hope Exists)

(inspired by A Closed Letter For My Possibly Non-Existent Potential Life Partner by Nico Lang on Thought Catalog)

warning: a very long read

If you are out there and if you exist, please do not show yourself to me at this very moment. Well, at least, not during this week. I am in the process of self-actualization and God knows when I will be finally be ‘self-actualized’. I am still fresh from a break-up, and I have been having existential crisis every night since I started reading about Sartre and existentialism (one of my favorite topics to talk about, take note). I also have no intention of working in a corporate setting unless the pay is really big AND I only go to the office 3-4 times a week. I bite my nails and I don’t always put lotion on my skin. I always sleep late when I don’t go out of the house and won’t wake up until it is hot and humid enough to get up. I cuss a lot but I don’t mean most of it. I am also forgetful and in need of reminding every minute or so.

I’m not the ideal life partner of all the women in the world right now and I won’t be molding myself into someone I’m not just to be liked upon by a lot. I hope I can get you to like me enough to actually overlook some of my flaws and think of them as lovely, maybe.